Strengthen My Soul

10/14/2015

My flesh is failing me and my heart trembles as everything in me cries for you Lord to make it right again! We miss our oldest and the daily memories of him being in our lives. This pain Lord is unlike any I have felt and you know I am not brave, only a weak vessel to offer up to you. The anguish in my soul has kept my heart on its knees continually seeking you. I want someone to tell me I am only dreaming and for our family to be whole again. I am exhausted  and worn Lord and my soul feels crushed by the weight of this today! A time that should be filled with celebration is muddied with other emotions since part of us is missing. We are reminded daily of the vacancy and hole in our hearts and lives. The anguish of not having him here yet again rips at every fiber of our being. It is one thing for me to deal with this as a mom on my own but coupled with what my other kids feel from not having their big brother and best friend to embrace daily moments brings an added weight. It truly is more than I can bear but I know it isn't for you Lord. I feel I am spinning out of control as that tsunami has assailed me once again. Lord I am seeking you to save me from that abyss and to provide all that I will need. With hand and heart lifted I am clinging to you. Resurrect, redeem, restore and reposition me according to your Word. 

All of us will experience loss and it has a journey unique to each who travel it. I pray that whatever loss has impacted your life you will call out to the Lord and let Him take the wheel leading you through the rough terrain. He is the only hope and the only sustaining strength we have and He will never fail us. This has been an extremely difficult couple of weeks for me and I have unveiled the depth of my pain before you as I prayed it out as a offering before the Lord. Love to you precious ones. 

In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.

Psalm 139:2-3