Laying Bare
Christian, look up and take comfort. Jesus has prepared a place for you, and those who follow Him shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of His hands. Look forward to that glorious dwelling He has provided; look forward in faith, for it is yours.
.~ J.C. Ryle
Today marks seven years since you moved to heaven. Seven is the most significant number spiritually in scripture. It signifies spiritual submission to the “will” of God, conveys the idea of completion, and the idea of laying bare one’s character before God as a testimony of one’s honesty and integrity. It is also significant of the number that made up the "E Team!"
For Dad's birthday, I had you added to the last family picture we had with Marc and Jon in 2019. It is priceless and precious as all 7 of us made our family complete! There will never be another occasion to have such a picture.
So today, I lay bear every part of who I am yielding before my Lord in submission to His will expecting Him to complete and birth new beginnings yet again. I give thanks, knowing I can rest in Him no matter what life throws my way. He has nor ever will leave me to fight alone. He has gone before me and fights for me. I know based on the tragedies I have lived through and overcome.
Sterling, everything about this day when you moved home to Heaven is etched in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual being! I am deeply grateful for the time we had that night! I loved that we were able to be with you at a celebration with our family and law friends before the angels came to usher your soul to heaven.
Oh, how I miss EVERYTHING about YOU!
My flesh is weak as I crumble to my knees and fall on my face seeking the comfort of my Jesus as I remember the last: laugh, smile, touch, hug, kiss, text, the last words…I love you, Ma and the last... I love you too, honey! Living life without you is an unending, unbearable heartache that only Jesus can minister to and pour out His healing balm over, and I am thankful He does so daily. My heart is still in a million pieces, but I rest in knowing each piece is being held in the palm of God’s hand, who will ultimately bring singleness again when I, too, arrive safely home. Jesus holds me together day after day, binding my wounds, breathing newness in my spirit, caressing each vital organ, renewing my lymphatic system and spirit with His cleansing blood. Where I continue to bleed out, He resuscitates with His strength, provision, and anointing power.
I am reminded today I am even closer to seeing you again, and what a glorious celebration that day will be! I love thinking of Heaven, and all that awaits me. And I am ever so grateful you reside where you were created to be! Until my appointed time, I continue to wake up with you in my heart and celebrate the gift of you in my life and our family.
I have learned the following these past 7 years:
Time does not heal everything, but time helps us learn to manage and find healthy ways to incorporate such a profound loss in our lives where we can still live out life with passion, purpose and be present with people in our pain! God binds up our broken-heart and bears this heavy burden.
2. Joy and sorrow are now one alloy. I do not experience any joyful celebration without sorrow at the same time. However, I refuse to drown in my sorrows, allowing the Lord to provide new songs for me to sing.
3. Life will never be the same, and I accept that. We died that morning too. We all lost each other in the roles we knew and became another version of mom, dad, husband, wife, siblings, and a family. We all have been changed by losing you and Marc. We continue to morph into the new us as we lose a part of who we are each time we lose someone we intimately loved. With your presence no longer here, it impacts and changes who we are. We continue to be forever changed, and we choose every day to emerge into the very image of our Maker! (Thankfully)
4. This loss is deep within each of our souls. At times, it stops us in our tracks when something or someone reminds us of you. We stop, grieve, and give ourselves permission to remember, celebrate, and honor you in every way possible.
5. We will lament until we are Home in Christ and fully redeemed.
6. Not everyone was meant to walk alongside me in my new shoes. Initially, I grieved those who fell away, but now I know they weren’t meant for this journey and that God provides those who can go the distance. These shoes make people uncomfortable as they are the shoes of a mom who has lost two children.
7. The Life Celebration was the last time our family could honor you as our child among family and friends. There will not be an engagement, a wedding, a baby shower, etc. There are no more memories to be had on the horizon. The story has culminated, and the final curtain closed until we meet again at each of our HOMECOMINGS! We hold onto every past memory we can recant and love when others share stories about you! It is a heart- treasure.
Heaven is for real! You are in a real place! You immediately entered into the presence of God (2 Corinthians 5:6-8). You are conscious, in command of your thinking, feeling, speech, and memories (Luke 16:19-31). You are aware to some degree of activities and events on earth ( Revelation 6:9-10). You recognize and communicate with believers who preceded you to Heaven (Luke 9:28-36). And you participate in magnificent worship with angels and believers before the throne of God and Christ (Revelation 6:9-10). I can't wait to among the saints enjoying my homeland and my Creator one day.
I miss you, Sterling, as much as I love you- with every ounce of my being! Celebrating you and your Heavenly Homecoming these next two days!
